Nobody sits down and decides to stress their child before exams.
Every Nigerian parent pushing their child to read, asking about results, comparing them to cousins and neighbours — they are doing it out of love. Out of investment. Out of genuine fear that their child's future could be derailed by one bad result.
But love and pressure are not the same thing. And in the weeks before WAEC and JAMB, some of the most well-meaning parental behaviour quietly destroys the confidence and focus a student needs to perform.
Here is an honest look at what parents do — and what to do instead.
1. Constant Reminders That Sound Like Threats
"If you fail this WAEC, you will regret it." "Do you know how much money I have spent on you?" "Your cousin passed with 8 A's. What is your own problem?"
These statements come from a place of genuine concern. But to a teenager sitting with the weight of an approaching exam, they do not feel like motivation. They feel like confirmation that failure is not an option — and that confirmation creates paralysing anxiety.
A student who is terrified of failing reads differently from one who is focused on succeeding. Fear closes the mind. Confidence opens it.
What to do instead: Replace outcome-based pressure with process-based encouragement. Not "you better pass" but "I can see you're working hard and I'm proud of that." The effort is what you can control. Reinforce it.
2. Comparing Them to Other Students
This one is deeply embedded in Nigerian parenting culture and it causes enormous damage.
"Tolu's daughter just got 7 A's." "The boy next door scored 310 in JAMB." "Why can't you be more like your brother?"
Every comparison tells your child one thing underneath the words — you are not enough as you are. And a child who believes they are fundamentally less capable than their peers does not study harder. They shut down.
What to do instead: Your child is competing against their own previous performance — not against every other student in Lagos. Celebrate their personal improvements, however small. A student who moved from 45% to 58% in Maths has made real progress. Acknowledge it.
3. Taking Over Their Study Schedule Completely
Some parents — especially as exams approach — begin dictating every hour of their child's day. Wake up at 5am. Study this subject now. No phone. No break. No friends.
The intention is focus. The result is often rebellion or burnout.
Teenagers need to feel some ownership over their own preparation. A study schedule they had no hand in creating is a schedule they will find ways to avoid. And a child who has been studying relentlessly for weeks without adequate rest performs worse on exam day — not better.
What to do instead: Sit with your child and build the schedule together. Let them have input on timing and breaks. Your role is to create the environment and hold them accountable — not to micromanage every hour.
4. Discussing Exam Anxiety in Front of Them
"This child has not been reading. I don't know what will happen." "WAEC is in three weeks and I am not sure they are ready."
Parents often have these conversations with relatives, neighbours, or on the phone — not realising their child is in the next room or within earshot.
Hearing a parent express doubt about their readiness does something specific to a teenager. It confirms the fear they already have about themselves. And it adds shame — the sense that even their parent has lost confidence in them.
What to do instead: If you have concerns about your child's preparation, address them directly with your child — calmly and privately. Express confidence in front of them and save your worries for conversations they cannot hear.
5. Making Exam Season Feel Like a Family Crisis
When a parent stops watching TV, stops socialising, starts whispering on phone calls, and visibly carries the weight of the upcoming exam — the child absorbs all of that energy.
Some parents essentially go into mourning before the results are even out. The household becomes tense and silent. Every conversation circles back to the exam.
This turns the home — the one place a student should feel safe and calm — into another source of stress.
What to do instead: Maintain as much normalcy as possible. Eat together. Watch something together occasionally. Laugh. A calm home produces a calmer, more focused student.
6. Withdrawing Affection Based on Performance
This is perhaps the most damaging pattern — and the least talked about.
Some parents become visibly cold, distant, or disappointed when a child performs poorly in a mock exam or continuous assessment. The message received, whether intended or not, is: my love for you is conditional on your results.
A child who is afraid of losing their parent's approval does not become a better student. They become an anxious one.
What to do instead: Separate your child's performance from your relationship with them. Be clear — through your words and your actions — that you love them regardless of what any exam says. That security is not a distraction from studying. It is the foundation that makes studying possible.
The Bottom Line
Your involvement in your child's exam preparation is important and necessary. But the way that involvement shows up matters enormously.
The most powerful thing a parent can do in the weeks before WAEC or JAMB is create an environment where their child feels safe, supported, and genuinely believed in.
Results follow confidence. And confidence comes from home first.
📲 If your child is preparing for WAEC or JAMB and needs structured support, Tutorial Haven can help — chat with us on WhatsApp: wa.me/2348088981691
Or visit tutorialhaven.com.ng to learn more.
Tutorial Haven provides exam preparation and academic support for SS1–SS3 students across Nigeria. Based in Lagos with online support available nationwide.
